In Secret

What Kind of Person Are You When Nobody Is Looking?

Proverbs 11

There’s something interesting about Proverbs 11.

It doesn’t spend much time telling us what to say we believe. Instead, it gets right to the question of how we actually live.

Because character is funny that way.

We can talk about integrity. We can post about honesty. We can tell people how important our faith is. But eventually, life puts us in situations where nobody may ever know what we chose.

That’s where character shows up.

And that’s one of the things I love about Proverbs. It has a way of taking something we might make complicated and making it remarkably simple.

Who are you when nobody is looking?

God Cares About the Way We Live

Proverbs 11 begins with a rather unusual picture:

“The Lord detests dishonest scales, but accurate weights find favor with him.”
Proverbs 11:1

In the ancient world, merchants used scales to weigh what they were buying and selling. A dishonest person could manipulate the scale just enough to make a little extra money.

Nobody might notice.

But God did.

And that is the point.

Integrity isn't just about the big decisions everyone sees. It is about the little decisions nobody sees.

It is telling the truth when a lie would be easier.

It is giving someone credit when you could take it yourself.

It is returning something that isn't yours.

It is doing the right thing even when there is no applause, no recognition, and no consequence for doing otherwise.

Integrity is who you are when there is nothing to gain by pretending.

Pride Says, "I Know Better"

Verse 2 adds another piece to the puzzle:

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Pride has a way of making us believe we don't need anyone.

Not God.

Not correction.

Not advice.

Not accountability.

Pride says, “I've got this.”

Humility says, “I might have something to learn.”

That's a huge difference.

And here's something I've discovered over the years:

You can be wrong and still be convinced you're right.

That's why humility is so important.

A humble person isn't someone who thinks poorly of themselves. A humble person is someone who is willing to recognize that they don't know everything.

They can listen.

They can apologize.

They can change.

They can say, “I was wrong.”

And sometimes those three words are evidence of more spiritual maturity than a hundred words about faith.

What Are Your Words Doing?

Proverbs 11 also has a lot to say about the power of our words.

Verse 11 says:

“Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.”

Think about that.

Words can build something or tear something down.

A family can be strengthened by words.

A marriage can be strengthened by words.

A church can be strengthened by words.

A friendship can be strengthened by words.

And the opposite is also true.

Gossip can destroy trust.

Criticism can destroy confidence.

Deception can destroy relationships.

Words are never just words.

They carry influence.

That's why Proverbs 11:13 reminds us that a trustworthy person keeps a confidence, while a gossip betrays it.

Before we say something about someone else, perhaps we should ask a simple question:

Would I say this if they were sitting right here?

And maybe an even better question:

Is this something that needs to be said at all?

Not everything that is true needs to be repeated.

Not everything we know needs to be shared.

And not every opinion needs an audience.

Sometimes wisdom sounds a lot like knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

What Are You Putting Your Trust In?

Proverbs 11 also takes a swipe at something most of us understand pretty well:

Money.

Verse 4 says:

“Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.”

And verse 28 says:

“Those who trust in their riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.”

Money isn't evil.

Success isn't evil.

Having possessions isn't evil.

But trusting in them is dangerous.

Because money can buy a house, but it can't create a home.

Money can buy medicine, but it can't guarantee health.

Money can buy a bed, but it can't guarantee sleep.

Money can buy a beautiful table, but it can't guarantee you'll have people around it who love you.

Eventually, Proverbs reminds us, we discover that the things we thought would make us secure aren't nearly as secure as we imagined.

What we possess can change. Who we are before God is what lasts.

The Beautiful Surprise of Generosity

And then Proverbs 11 gives us one of those wonderfully backwards truths of Scripture.

Verse 25 says:

“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

Isn't that interesting?

We tend to think:

“I need to hold on to what I have so I'll have enough.”

God often says:

“Learn to give.”

We think refreshing ourselves means getting more.

God says sometimes we are refreshed by refreshing someone else.

A phone call.

A meal.

A helping hand.

A generous gift.

A listening ear.

An encouraging word.

A little time.

Sometimes generosity isn't about money at all.

Sometimes the most generous thing you can give someone is your attention.

So What Kind of Person Are You Becoming?

When you step back and look at Proverbs 11, there is a common thread running through all of it.

Integrity.

Humility.

Righteousness.

Wise words.

Generosity.

These aren't simply behaviors.

They reveal a heart.

And maybe that's the challenge Proverbs 11 leaves us with.

Not:

“How do I look to everyone else?”

But:

“Who am I becoming?”

Because eventually, character catches up with reputation.

Eventually, what is inside finds its way outside.

Eventually, the person we really are shows up in the way we treat people, handle money, respond to correction, use our words, and make decisions when nobody is watching.

So here's today's Cup of Joe question:

If someone could see every decision you made this week, would they see the same person you tell everyone you are?

That's not meant to condemn us.

It's an invitation.

An invitation to become people of integrity.

People who tell the truth.

People who choose humility.

People whose words bring life.

People who don't put their hope in possessions.

People who refresh others.

People who do the right thing even when nobody is watching.

Because at the end of the day, integrity isn't about protecting our reputation. It's about becoming the kind of person God can trust with influence.

And that's a life worth living.

So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

What is God working on in me today?

Maybe Proverbs 11 isn't asking us to become perfect.

Maybe it's simply asking us to become real.

And that sounds like a pretty good place to start.

Cup of Joe thought:
Character is built in the quiet places, when nobody is watching and nobody is applauding. What we choose there eventually becomes who we are everywhere.